failing forward
im taking a rest from the four day festivites of PAX West today and i've been reflecting on Reggie's keynote speech which focused on the intersection of capability and opportunity. I have so much to say about PAX so far and i'm working on a separate full write-up, but my brain has locked on Reggie's speech and his belief in "failing forward".
my life feels like it has been a constant series of failures. yeah there has been some success sprinkled here and there, but my god. there has been so much failure. I failed so many college courses and got put on academic probation. I've failed to maintain relationships with people i have and still love. i've failed my family at being a daughter. its rough out here !
admittedly, failure has consistently set me back. I wallow. I cry, I scream, I meltdown. I engage in self destructive behaviors, and the cycle repeats. I have to shake myself out of going into everything I do expecting a negative outcome. recently i've been making an extra effort to make a change, but falling into thinking traps is easy.
during his speech reggie contextualized how taking opportunities inevitably results in failure, but also emphasized the importance of taking failure and running with it. he made example of the wii u, and how he brought to market the second most worst selling console of all time. but without the wii u, we never would have had its spiritual successor, the switch, which ultimately would become the second best selling console of all time.
reggie's keynote came at a good time because i am recently unemployed. mustering the courage to quit my stupid job took a minute. I was at my (once upon a time) dream software engineering job. I put so much time and energy towards getting to this point and I was completely miserable. quitting felt like failure, despite being treated terribly by the company and having every right and reason to quit. when I finally did, it was hard. im not going to lie, I still have had regrets every day since (unemployment is scary!). but I feel free. a weight has been lifted off of my chest. I have free time and im putting energy towards learning and working on the things that I want for once.
so yeah honestly I did fail again. I saw myself being at that job for more than two years. I saw career growth there. I have failed at landing interviews, and failed at the (one) interview I have had since. I failed at advocating for myself and getting the support I needed to be successful. i'm even a bit embarrassed to tell my parents. but I dont really care this time. im ready to take it and run. i'm going to try taking these recent set of failures and build something cool and fun, literally anything that feels fulfilling. i'm going to fail again, and again. and maybe even again. but if i'm going to keep failing id rather it be working on something that I enjoy, something that I care about. there is so much beauty in trial and error.
time to fuck around, find out, and fail forward!!!!!!!!!! :letsgo: